In all the 'research' I've done of China adoptions, I've heard that the children from orphanages in the Hunan Province are all spicy. I am not sure why, but I suppose they just are.

It stuck with me, wondering what this 'spicy' is that they talk about, wondering how their girls are different than other provinces ...

And today while just browsing around and around, I found out that the little girl I was a nanny for in NY, Nyah was from the Hunan province.

I understood it and all I could do was smile.

Nyah was the brightest, the cutest, the smartest ... just the most inspired and spirited child I had ever come across. She came up with the smartest responses to things. She was what the older generation call, a 'spit fire'.

So much I understand now about the two girls, both adopted from China. I didn't quite understand their attachment delays. I didn't understand their speech delays, although I worked with both of them on both of the delays. I understand it all now.

I can hear her cute little four year old voice talking. I used to remind her to be nice and to use nice words. (She would talk very sternly and often mean to her dolls.) She would put her hands on her hips, look at me straight in the face and say ... " Mana, I just pee-nin-tend. I couldn't help after that but kiss that sweet face!

I think of both of the girls tonight, wishing I was in their lives as I was when I didn't work for them. I would visit every few months, spend the night, catch up. It was fun and comfortable and they were my extended family.

On the outside though, I know that if I was still there, as I had first chosen to do ... I wouldn't know who I do or be where I am. I wouldn't have worked so hard with Dawn, I would have the best friend I do, I wouldn't have the support and love I have from the people in my life. I believe as many really tough things that have had and still often have, that I had the same really wonderful. I wouldn't have had those.

I miss those two little girls tonight and their older brother. I miss their mother, but not so much their dad. I was closer to Melissa. I think of her often and wish I could tell her of the person I am at this point. We would stay up talking about our futures, about writing, about books, about television, about the girls, about mostly everything. And when she would hug me goodnight, I didn't miss my home. She hugged me so tightly and with so much love, I felt I was home ... I miss that.