Feeling really rotten!

blueangel

Brick created on 02/10/2008 @ 18:40

Your brick story

Ok, so I've been having a few down days, and today, found out that I (along with others) have (unintentionally) hurt a person emotionally and I've been spending the rest of the day feeling so guilty. The thing is I'm also a bit angry, as she hurts me (emotionally and probably unintentionally) a lot of the time and I put up with it - just pass it off, so why, when I do it once, do I feel soo bad? I've not eaten, because I feel sick with guilt about it.
Also, just really fed up with everything, I don't know I can go on like this - want to run away, chicken out, just disappear completely - but I can't as I know how much devastation either route takes - so I'm stuck.
I feel so lost and lonely, there is noone nearby who can give me support, as they are all in the same situation, from a family point of view, and most of the people at work, just don't care.
Better stop here, as I could rant / moan / go on and on for hours.

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Comments

02/10/2008 @ 19:20 roze said

Blueangel from reading some of your bricks and posts i wonder if you have a tendency to take on a lot of responsibility for others - more to feel responsible for them? And that makes me wonder whether you tend to step back from asking for what you need emotionally? Love and hugs roze?
03/10/2008 @ 11:55 ant said

There is only a point to feeling guilty if you bear responsibility - I don't know if you are aware of what you did to hurt this person but it sounds odd that you care more about her feelings than for your own. If you apologise to her and keep it simple that might clear the air - but you also need to have a deal with yourself that if she hurts you again that you will address her about your feelings. Why are you holding yourself to a greater expectation of behaviour than you are requiring of her?
and don't stop keep it going - even if it feels like hours - I am actually a very quick reader! ant x
03/10/2008 @ 21:01 blueangel said

Hey - thanks, I don't know whats going on, didn't get a chance to speak to her and she very obviously wasn't speaking to me (it's like working in a playground) Quite frankly, I think that this event was the icing on the cake and has really brought everything else to the surface - going to the GP tomorrow as feeling really stressed / depressed / confused about everything. Thanks for being here.
04/10/2008 @ 10:01 ant said

Good for you going to the GP - hope he/she is good at dealing with people who need a bit of support - have you thought about going and seeing someone who is a counsellor and trained to work with people who need some help? I do and it helps me.
Always here for you ba, ant xx
07/10/2008 @ 06:09 roze said

hey blueangel, how did it go at the GPs? Love roze
07/10/2008 @ 17:58 blueangel said

Hi roze,
I went and cried and got signed off for a week, the dr gave me a note instead of saying self certify, which was a relief. Thanks for following up, I meant to write something, but wasn't feeling up to it.
08/10/2008 @ 14:38 roze said

I am glad you were able to get some space. It is so important not to hide what you are feeling - feelings like at the centre of all we do - and when we sit on them - our actions come out squashed too. Rx
08/10/2008 @ 19:43 ant said

Hey blue angel - thinking of you - and hoping that there is something good for you in this week that allows you to find a good place within yourself ant x