Comments

• 25/09/2008 @ 06:23 roze said

  

  It is and yet the questions always remain. And yes the anger. Those we lose to suicide remain unresolved within. love roze

• 25/09/2008 @ 18:52 blueangel said

  

  Thanks roze,

  I really want to tell him how angry I am, but he's got so much to deal with at the moment, I can't dump more on him and I'm scared he'll try again. I don't know how to deal with it - and this is nearly a year on!

• 25/09/2008 @ 20:23 roze said

  

  Have you ever spoken with him about it? Sometimes people do not know unless we can let them know. Rx

• 26/09/2008 @ 16:28 cherry said

  

  Hi Blueangel,
  Im so sorry you have experienced the pain of a suicide attempt from someone you care about , it is so frustrating and painful and yes anger is a very profound emotion that follows.
  This is a subject very close to my heart also.
  My sister has attempted suicide on 4 times in the last 2 and half years, the last time only a few months ago.
  Her first attempt happened only 6 months after our dad had died and i can recall feeling very angry with her, disappointed and pissed off that she was being so selfish, or so i thought at the time , how could she do that to us? I just could not understand her pain , after all we were all grieveing .
  My sister has suffered with depression for many years and my dads death kind of sent her overboard and at the time we were all in so much pain that it was easier to be angry at her than to understand why she wanted to die.
  The second attempt we almost lost her . I have a very close relationship with my sister and was with her whilse the doctors prodded and poked her, she was sectioned for her own safety. It was heartbreaking .
  Eventually i built up the courage to talk to her about how her suicides affected me and how sad it made me, even though i could never fully understand why she could want to end her life , sharing my feelings and thoughts with her kind of reinforced my love for her to her. She tried to explain many a times how and what makes her dark days so very dark and those attempts so enticing , but i know i can never really understand i can only support her and let her know she is loved.
  Speaking to this person who has made you feel this way i realise may take courage and strength but as roze has said sometimes people do not know how we feel unless we tell them . Its part of the healing process.
  It could help you move on and at least understand a little about why they did waht they did , this alone will ease the anger you feel.
  I believe my anger was a demonstration of my fear of loosing my sister and once i realised she was still my sister and not just someone who wanted to die my anger sibesided .
  I wish you much strength .
  Be Brave ..
  Love Cherryxx

• 28/09/2008 @ 19:05 blueangel said

  

  Thanks for both your comments, I read them on Friday, but was too emotional to reply. Cherry, thanks for your honesty, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who is / has been in this situation.

  I've not had the nerve to talk to him yet, I'm angry, partly because I went through years of depression and wanting to kill myself and never had the nerve, so actually, weirdly, felt a bit jealous. Also angry, because my niece and sister in law had to deal with it. And because I had to listen to my mum, saying that she didn't think her son would be alive in a years time - 3 months to go, before I can say she was wrong.

  I thought that I had dealt with this, but he keeps telling the press (they are involved because of my missing nephew) how he got so desperate etc and it won't allow me to move on from it. I also feel that it detracts from the issue of looking for my nephew, when he talks like that.

  It also feels that he enjoys feeling sorry for himself - nothing is ever good, when my neice got glandular fever, he was "why is my life so bad?" I am aware that all I've been doing is moaning!!

  I thought that I understood, having been so close to trying myself, but maybe I don't. Maybe I'll try having a talk, when they come to visit in October.

  Thanks for your support and listening.

• 01/10/2008 @ 23:42 cherry said

  

  Hi Blueangel,
  Just wondering how you are doing ?
  Sending you lots of hugs and further strength , i realise how difficult things must be for you emotionally , but be sure there is always someone here for you to share those tough times with , keep talking ..
  Love Cherry x

• 02/10/2008 @ 18:26 blueangel said

  

  Hi Cherry,

  Thanks for the message and for thinking of me. I'm hanging in, having a few bad days, where all the little things that I can normally cope with are getting on top of me.
  I hurt someone (emotionally and unintentionally) and now I feel really guilty, even though she has hurt me a lot recently and isn't someone that I would call a friend, someone I work with. It's just the icing on the cake, the last straw etc etc. All I want is for something once to go right and for everyone to be OK - which is probably unrealistic. Sorry to moan - surprised myself, but thank you again for thinking of me.