Comments

• 10/09/2008 @ 07:42 ant said

  

  Hello ihaveissues,
  Thank you for posting this brick and giving us an insight into how you are finding yourself and dealing with anorexia - I can't imagine this was easy and it would have taken real strength of character to do this.

  I have never had a personal experience with an eating disorder - I deal with other stuff - but the thing that attracted me and reasonates with me is having a disorder that feels such a part of my identity that really dealing with the core of it felt a little bit like I was endangering myself - or sometimes like an act of personal betrayal. It was the hardest sense to get over. And in the end I realised that I had to accept me as I am and that I do have a disorder and that I needed to deal with the "dis"in the order so that I could live with it. I guess I believe that I can't be cured magically - it is within and part of me - I just need to learn how to manage it - to keep the me in good health and not be controlled by it. I don't know if this makes any sense - But I wish you all the best and hope that you find support and comfort here on the Wall ant xx

• 10/09/2008 @ 10:56 Jomo said

  

  Please look into your heart - you are not defined by a disorder, or an eye colour, or wealth - those are externals - you are defined, in the end, by what you choose to be. This that you choose now is walking a very dangerous path - and maybe that gives you some feeling of control and power - I cannot know how you feel.

  
  But I think that you don't really feel very good, or you would not be defining yourself like this.

  
  The bones of the person in the picture you show cry out to me of pain and sorrow and such bleakness - I would give them warmth and comfort if I could.

  Such as it is - I offer my voice through the net to you - if you need me.

  Jomo.

• 10/09/2008 @ 14:01 roze said

  

  Hello ihaveissues - welcome to The Wall. I can understand that you feel you have an identity through your disorder. Yet you are not alone - I wonder if you have seen the bricks by Pointeless and others who have similar struggles to you. I am wondering what it is that makes you feel like a failure. Here and listening, with love roze

• 10/09/2008 @ 23:13 mooge said

  

  Dear ihaveissues, I find your brick really moving and worrying. I can see that it took a lot to write that and ask for help. I did have anorerxia and it was an extremely painful time for me but also for the other people around me who could see me getting thinner and thinner.

  I found it to be a disease of contradictions. It was twisted. I thought that my friends were jealous because I was getting thinner than them. I thought people admired me because of my thinness. I also believed that it gave me an identity, a badge, because I didn't know who I was without it. I showed the world that I was good and perfect at something. I became secretely proud at my creative ways to fool people around me (or so I thought). Because I was sick I couldn't see that people were worried about me because of who I was and what I meant to them.

  I found anoerixa a very isolating and controlling illness. I also felt that no-one could ever understand or even imagine what it is like to be riddled with it (I couldn't even say the word as I was frightened by anorexia it controlled me so much). I spent every hour of every day thinking about food and ways to get around eating or hiding food and then about exercising. Although I was controlled by this disease I didn't have the insight to see the extent to which it dominated my life. It effected my relationships with people as I was constanly moody and disconnected (thinking about food). The anorexia had become a way of hiding from life and hiding from myself and who I was.

  For me, something then snapped in my head, which was the beginning of the end of the illness. I realised I didn't want to live my life controlled by an illness - an illness which dictated and ran my life. My life was becoming pathetic and I realised I could die if I didn't stop. But without wearing the badge of anoerixa a huge abyss of a quesiton was left - who was I without anorexia? What am I without the illness. Huge and frightening questions I had to face. I had to start separating out the anorexia from who I was, separating out the strands of spaghetti.

  It is possible to survive anorexia. By posting this brick it seems that you are somewhere on the start of that journey. I am here for you if you if that would help. Best wishes, Mooge

• 05/10/2008 @ 00:29 mooge said

  

  Hello I have issues, I was just thinking about you and how you are getting on? Best wishes, mooge.