Comments

• 29/08/2008 @ 10:27 UMxx said

  

  Dear me mooge - such a lot of thinking for a friday evening.

  I think I might see it a little differently - a slight difference only - to accept others and their humanity you have to accept your own fragility and true self. I think it is not only parents but all others. To find love in others you have to love yourself. and so on - it is about the internal and external balances.

  There are some things I doubt I will ever truly forgive of others - too much pain to deal with - but I can understand that of my parents they probably did the best they could and making comparisons doesn't acknowledge how unequal the starting positions were for them. This feels rather like mid grey I afraid. xx UM

• 29/08/2008 @ 18:56 mooge said

  

  Your answer is a relief to read to be honest. Accepting and truly forgiving are different things and i can say that i can accept or rather have a greater understanding of my parents to some extent, but i dont think i will truly forgive them - i thought that i had to. I find it really hard to accept my own fragility, i always feel by being fragile I will get hurt, so i try not to show my weaknesses - how can I get out of that spot as i realise its counterproductive but a learned reaction, i think. Thanks UM.

• 30/08/2008 @ 22:22 harmony said

  

  Hi mooge and UM

  mooge, I'm going to offer you my tuppance worth on acceptance and forgivenss and you can (figuratively) bin it if you want.

  I don't think there are hard and fast rules about doing anything about acceptance or forgiveness. I seems to me that they can be part of a process and happen as a sort of side effect of working things through. I think if people get to the stage where they have some understanding of things from a soul prespective - by that I mean the broader view of life's meaning and how we are all here to learn - then both acceptance and forgiveness can happen. I don't think they happen by will or desire alone.

  I think that when people say they can't truly forgive it means they feel what was done to them was too painful. In my book, that's the very time it's important to start to work/ keep working on the healing process. Sometimes we can find forgiveness, sometimes not. To me forgiveness means not allowing the pain to control my thoughts, feeling, actions any longer - but if I want it I need to wrol through a healing process(for totally selfish purposes - it has absolutely nothing to do with the other person/ people, and it ceretainly is not about saying it's ok, it doesn't matter that you made my life hell)

  For years I almost wanted to spit when anyone mentioned 'forgiveness' because the only meaning I had ever given the terms was one that involved a sort of absolution for the other person - there was no way I was going to absolve anyone from anything! I feel very different about the word now.

  I posted a brick on forgiveness the other day - and would direct you to it if I knew how: someone did give me instruction on how to do it but I haven't tried it yet and can't remember them at this point. If you click on my name my profile will come uo and you will be able to view it from there (purple on green, top row to the left).

  Best wishes to you.

  Love. Harmony

• 01/09/2008 @ 07:01 mooge said

  

  Thank you harmoney, your words make sense and offer an understanding which I do grasp. I'll search out your acceptance brick. I think my previous understanding of forgiveness was something linked to a religious notion, which just doesn't fit for me. Looking from the persepctive where we are all here learning is a helpful thought. Right now, I am on a long journe, but after so much confusion things are starting to become that bit clearer. Thanks again, Mooge

• 02/09/2008 @ 07:39 UMxx said

  

  Hey Harmony - the easiest means of directing another Waller to a brick is by going to the brick and hitting the share button above the brick and typing in the Waller's name. Otherwise, Bear made a brick on hyperlinks and it is under his profile - must get better instructions on the Wall though - will I suggest to the Team or will you?

  Cheers

  UM x