Hello Lou123,

Welcome to the Wall and congratulations on your first TA!

I have a question if you don't mind - I wonder if your friends weren't all coupling up would you feel so strongly about being single?

None of us want to feel different - but I wonder if you are really questioning yourself because of making comparisons with others.  I like your style of thinking - especially factoring in the obvious logic that you are too attractive and it is putting the fellows off.  It sounds like you are indeed a well rounded thinker.  Does this translate into being forthright with the fellows that you are interested in?  Whilst I respect your right to believe that you may be cursed or that it may be your destiny to remain single for the rest of time - I don't think that it is likely that someone may have cursed you.  

Still allowing for the possibility that you have been burdened by bad luck in this way - have you thought about talking to your male friends and asking for ideas?  You may not be interested in them as individuals but maybe they have some ideas that you could consider - or some friends that you might meet.  I have no experience with on line dating but I have a dear friend who found her partner - they are like hand in glove so I guess it might not be a good idea to give up too early - or try another site? 

Maybe it is time to go on and adventure and look for men who are interested in similar interests and have similar values?

 I was never much good at this stuff myself - I imagined myself as being a bit of a stumbler - so I can't pretend to feel overly qualified but taking a few slight changes in approach might be the first steps.

Hoping that you find what you want in life.

UM x 

Hi lou123 and welcome!  I remember feeling a lot like you when I was younger. I was a "late bloomer" on the dating scene when I was in my twenties, yet I was pretty attractive and couldn't understand what was wrong. When I look back on that time, I see that I would pull back from guys and often gave out signals that I wasn't interested. I don't think I realized I was doing that at the time, but I probably wasn't making it any easier for them to approach me. Eventually I got better at it and have found love (more than once). You will find someone too when you really relax and open yourself up to it (sometimes trying too hard can also get in the way). There's nothing wrong with trying the online dating sites, as long as you don't take it too personally. it is very easy to feel rejected or preyed upon there as there are a lot of people out there who use it as a dating game and aren't all that careful about other people's feelings. When I tried it, I liked the fact that I could select who I wanted to contact (which is nice as a woman to have that option) and could ignore (or politely decline) those who weren't of interest to me (and believe me, there will be about 10 nonmatches for every one that holds some interest). So if someone doesn't reply to you (or if the old geesers seem to be the only ones messaging), don't take it to heart, it's a process of sorting through the chaff to find the wheat. The suggesting that you join some activities or groups of like minded alternative style people is a great idea as you are more likely to find someone who fits with you there (it will take longer online, as long as you have the patience for it).  Good luck with it, don't give up, and remember that someone, somewhere will someday find you to be the wonderful and beautiful person that you are.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe you're trying too hard. Like roze said, just take it easy and maybe your own male friends could turn into potential boyfriends.

Just take it easy. Please don't feel pressured, take your time.

Best of luck M&M

i know it totally blows feeling alone and like you cant get a guy. but while you are single you should make sure you are satisfied with who you are and that you love yourself.

If you are not confident in yourself (which it does not sound like you totally are) guys will notice that and be turned off by this. Chances are its NOT that ur ugly at all. You are just doubting yourself in my opinion.

So what you can do for now is FAKE IT. Start telling yourself you are HOT, you are FABULOUS, smart and whatever else you can think of. But only tell urself the positive stuff. And i SWEAR once you start thinking it...you will eventually believe it! THen guys and everyone else will notice how confident you are and gravitate towards you.

If you have any questions feel free to ask me or what not. Also you should read "Dont Be That Girl". a friend recommended it to me and it was HILARIOUS but VERY helpful! Its written from a guys perspective, by a guy who has been with all types of girls. He helps you identify what "type" of girl you are and steps to improve youself so you will be more able to get the guys you deserve! its really cool.

hope this is kind of helpful!

Dear lou and pinka

I was never very confident and i am not really now. I was told that i was attractive but i never believed it.  Somehow i think how i felt about myself came over more strongly than how others saw me. That made me think about what you like about yourselves. It took me a long time but i came to see that there were things about me that i liked. Best wishes

I tod I'm the only one experiencing this thing. I was thinking the same way too..