On October 5, 2005 the love of my life died. I had known him my whole life. Since pre-k, we were best friends til 5th when we started "dating" & then in 6th we got more serios & 7th we started get intimate [I know young] & I loved him. he had a drug problem & he went to a rehab for it & he came back October 4, 2005. & I was going to stay at his house & he promised me he was never going to do drugs again... but I went down stairs for 5 min. & when I came back up he was shottin up & I told him I couldn't deal with him doin it & I told him it was over. at 3am I got a call from his mom. He overdosed... they think it was suicide but they arn't sure. they found a note but it wasn't definate. For a long time I blamed myself.... because I know if I had stayed he wouldn't of died. Every day I wear the ring he gave me... it's engraved with our names on it. He meant everything to me. & I know I was young but I know that what we had was love... & I've never had that feeling with anyone like I had with him. Everyday I think of him.... & everyday I miss him. & I just want him back. & it's hard for me but I know everything will be ok. I know that no matter what happens in my life I always had him... I always had his love. & even if I never have that love again atleast I had it once.

Hi Aviva, that is an incredibly tragic story and I truly feel for your loss.  Just a few thoughts from my own experience and what I've learnt from them. 

This year it will be 3 years since he died and maybe you feel that you might be betraying your love for him, by 'letting go' and by having all these reminders with you, the ring, the missing, the thoughts, analysing your love.  You feel you're staying true to him and maybe on a very deep level you feel you need to punish yourself for your decision of walking out?  I don't know, maybe.  I'm no expert, but you know what, you loved him, truly you did, I can tell.  You stood by him, but the difficult part is that we all make choices in our life and he made his, whether it was an accident or on purpose - you'll never know, but the best thing is that maybe it's time to let it go now. 

Focus on your happiness and celebrate the life he had until he became ill and don't celebrate his death.  It did not define him - there were good times too.  We get different kinds of love and we love people in different ways and on deeper levels than others.  Don't measure your future partners against the one that did not make it.  Let each one have his own special place within you.  I hope I made some sense.  Hugs Isabella