Here I sit all alone again at the computer, two months after I made my first entry and nothing has changed.

Some days I feel so alone and of absolutely no worth and then most days I just blank out life. I have taught myself that if I don’t dwell on the truth, it doesn’t exist and it can’t hurt me.

My family is slipping away – or am I slipping away from them.

I have lost most of my perspective and just go through my days in a dull blur. The only thing that seems to break through my veneer is pain – the lies, the debt, the loneliness, the mistakes I seem to keep making – over and over again.

If I had more courage I would make everyone’s life easier, but I always find a reason to wait. Maybe someday there will be no more reasons to wait. I am just so tired of the game.

Hi ThirdCoast

How is it going for you...we're concerned.

Tiizzzii 

Hello again TCT,

I've just had a look back at your original post and the responses you got then, tell me, have you tried to change any aspect of your life since then or are you literally finding reasons not to alter anything at all?

I suspect the latter is the case.

Clearly you are not happy with the way things are and you want them to be different but, like it or not, the first move has to come from you and if you are doing nothing you have to ask yourself why?

Are you afraid of change? If so the alternative is continued depression; so not really an option.

Do you know what you need to change? If not then you need to give some serious thought to all of the things that are bugging you and prioritise and list them.

Next, start at the top of the list and work out how you can change item number one and here's the critical bit; if you find that for any reason you cannot change number one, don't give up in instant despair, just accept that there are some things that cannot be changed (or maybe not yet) and move on down the list.

Even if you get to the bottom before you find something you can do, it doesn't matter because at least you will then have changed something and so making another change will be that bit easier.

As I said in my response to your first post, I feel I've very recently been where you are and I know oh so well how easy it is to take the 'do nothing' option, but the problem is that once you get in the mindset that says it's not worth doing anything because nothing will change; then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy and the only satisfaction you get is to tell yourself 'I told you so'.

I don't really go in for the philosophical stuff so the best I can end with is: Every journey starts with the first step.

Good luck mate and remember we're always here if you need to moan.