Hi st0606 – you sound very down at the moment – what has triggered off this difficult period?   Is there a reason that you have held back accepting invites to go out with your friends?   Sounds as if they have the message to leave you alone and its hard to get back in there.   I know the feeling  - I had similar situation last year – I wanted to say that I wanted to be with my friends and yet I didn’t want to mix or go out with them.   Such a double message I was giving – probably because I didn’t feel good.   How do you break that pattern or stop it happening?  Maybe take  one step at a time and ask one friend to do something with you and also share your feelings of isolation as you have with us.  - . Can you find the one person to reconnect with?

Hi Steff, doing things for others really works , My mum is quite lonely since dad died , Mum is 82 still drives so when she feels very  lonely she takes flowers to friends.  These elderly folk are often house bound and this way that human connection so important to us all is kept going.

 As for times when friends are unavailable  well that's normal we can't know what's going on in their lives . Our lives are so busy these days and travelling from A to B to C can eat into leisure time.  Remain friendly and open and relaxed about friendships.

Friendship comes at all levels and intensities. Like love  each friendship is different.I see you as a friend in the context of the BWWall. I hope we can talk again Love  Cate  x

Well, I am very much like you also st0606,

the first thing that I drop when my mood dives is the energy to be with others.  I would unknowlingly offend people because I just couldn't face the  prospect of spending time with people - I would have had enough of human contact at work - and having kids and a husband - I was often dreaming of the joys of a dark damp garage just to be by myself.

One person who wouldn't give up was quite confontational until I explained that I just couldn't be social - she was quite staggered as I wasn't giving away any signs and once she twigged, she became the person who was more open than I was with other friends that I just needed some time out. 

In hindsight I don't know why I couldn't just be that open to a couple of people and tell them to send the message around.  It would have saved a bit of confusion and some hurt amongst my friends.  

I have a couple of friends who maintain contact with me no matter what - even if I was living in a garage somewhere.  One takes a photo of somewhere she has been -often trees or gardens - turns it into a postcard and writes a big scrawly note in pen and ink and sends it off to me.  She is the first I probably contact when I start to feel up.  The second leaves messages on my answering machine - never to ask for a return call but just to say hi and that she is thinking about me.

I guess there comes a time when you can do small things for your friends that you have been out of touch with but I reckon the effort at just letting people know that you are feeling a bit anti social might take some of the pressure off you to make contact when you feel better.  Just a couple of people need to be told and they seem to get the others organised.

UM x