Talkabout

05/11/2007 @ 20:47 Wolfie said:

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I was talking to a friend today and we were talking about stress and I said that stress comes from having too high an expectation of an outcome which can not be met by the available resources.
Is this right? and where do expectations come from? can we change them and be happy with less? if we can, how?
05/11/2007 @ 21:14 Anonymous said:

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I totally agree, but I think that makes it even harder to manage then - because you always want to strive for the best, but not at the detriment to your health, so finding that balance is really hard. Do you have any techniques?
07/11/2007 @ 06:55 younger said:

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I find that, however much you can't be bothered, the best way to get rid os stress is to exercise. it can be walking or running. its good to clear your head for an hour and carry on. the second thing i do if i am feeling really stressed is to look for two ro three easy kills. things that can be done straightaway and make you feel better. does this help anyone?
08/11/2007 @ 19:32 silver said:

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That sounds like good advice to me! Especially the "easy kills" bit, some times you have to think "what can I finish" rather than "I'm struggling with x or y"
08/11/2007 @ 20:45 Wolfie said:

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I will certainly try the 'easy kill' idea - it sounds great and with the best intentions I will try to exercise....! there must be a way of lowering my expectations without lowering my productivity or enjoyment of what I do
09/11/2007 @ 06:27 roze said:

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Stress is a complex beast i think. There is something about your expectations of yourself and there is the question of how those expectations are formed - and by whom? I think it starts early and that your parents and early experiences have a big role in what you expect from your self. And then stress is also societal - there is a lot put on the individual these days - particularly to succeed - and that can be very stressful too. Then there is situational - your job, family, friends and all those things that cause you both joy and difficulty - and if any one of these is causing problems it is stressful - when more than one are problematic - it is even more stressful. i find it helpful to think about what i have control over and to focus on that...as i think that we spend a lot of our energies and get stressed about stuff that ultimately we don't have the power to change.
10/11/2007 @ 16:06 red said:

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I have found that i get much less stressed as i get older - somehow i don't worry about the same things any more. Feel more confident in myself or less bothered about what others think or something.
10/01/2008 @ 22:19 Muse said:

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I just found this post by looking under the stress tag - very cool.

I am going to try the easy kill thing and the exercise thing. I am looking ofr a job at the moment and my stress levels are going through the roof.
11/01/2008 @ 07:59 Swon said:

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I have to agree with Red - stress diminishes with age and it's probably because as we get older we realise that getting stressed in counter-productive and just not worth the effort.

Lets face it stress comes from within, OK the cause may be external but it's how we respond to events in our lives that determines our level of stress and that, to a large extent, is governed by our expectations of ourselves or what we perceive to be others expectations of us. For example we don't like to appear incapable of doing our job and so are often reluctant to ask for help or advice or just plain admit that we have too much to do in he required timescale, and so we struggle on and make mistakes; up go the stress levels and down goes our ability to do a good job. We blame stress when the root cause is good old fashioned pride.

I've been through times like that and it drove me into serious depression, at which point I had to go to my management for help; and I got it in spades. They were only annoyed that I had let it go on so long and that they had not noticed. I of course felt a total muppet for not asking sooner.
That was the start of a major change in attitude for me, I know it is difficult not to stress yourself up, especially if you have responsibilities, home, familly etc but trust me; it's just not worth it.
11/01/2008 @ 17:37 SeekerEmerald said:

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I like a lot of the answers already posted. One thing that I have seen over and over is people getting themselves stressed out over something that other people do/say/think etc.
If you have 100 people in a room, you will see what 100 different worlds look like. Each person lives in their own world. This is true for every single person that has ever existed. Even identical twins that are "always" together have different worlds. Lots of people share a lot of things in common, but the differences are HUGE. Even ten kids that grow up in the same household will each have a different childhood. They will read different books, see different movies, play different games, etc, so that even before they reach age 10, they will have very different ideas of the world. For 300 million people, you will have 300 million different worldviews.
The outside world for me begins where my skin ends. This is a very different world from anyone elses, whose world ends where their skin ends. If we could all learn this, and remember it, there would be a lot less stress in the world.
This is why different people will react differently to the same situations. Now that we know why people act differently, we can understand why expecting certain behaviours will only lead to dissapointment, and sometimes stress.
I don't have as much time as I would like to polish this short message, so I hope this makes sense.
Enjoy your world, everyone! I know I am enjoying mine!
11/01/2008 @ 17:48 winsomecloud said:

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I think it is interesting how so many of us will push and push ourselves and live through the "stress" thinking that it is a necessary aspect of our job and our busy lives. We even pride ourselves on how stressed out we are (as if life is a contest of who can do more, stress more, suffer more). And then we feel guilty (or at the least, sheepish) if we aren't stressing like everyone else -- "does that mean I'm sloughing off or lazy?" "I hope no one thinks I'm not working hard enough."). And then along comes a reality check -- someone gets sick. Then we all stop and look around and start to question what the heck we're doing. This becomes a wake-up call, especially when one reaches their 40's and 50's as I have. Friends and acquaintances have had cancer or other serious conditions -- most have survived, some have not. I realize that lifestyle is only one component of serious illness, but now's the time to look around and smell the roses. Let's not wait for something serious to happen.
11/01/2008 @ 18:25 Marmite said:

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There are different factors that induce stress, surely?
Anyway, I just pick up my guitar and play for an hour. Usually does the trick. Music Therapy FTW!
11/01/2008 @ 18:51 Swon said:

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".....look around and smell the Roses".

Teriffic sentiment winsomecloud, thank you - and a big welcome to 'The Wall'
12/01/2008 @ 00:46 roze said:

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Winsomecloud - such a strong sentiment - and welcome to Big White Wall - it is a pleasure to find people such as you joining this community. I so dislike that space we have come to inhabit which is the competition of the busy. I don't wish to be fitted in to someone's life - or to have to compete with their schedule as if a marathon between agenda and humanity. Like you, i have had to bow goodbye to people who leave too early - far far too many times. What are we doing to ourselves - like busyness is a barometer of our worth - rather than the ability to stop everything for someone in need - not least you and me and that person i just passed on the street...........

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