hey guy's just wanted abit of advice.

I love my boyfriend loads, but dont know if i want to be with him any more. we have been together a few years now, and we have a child. but sometimes i feel the passion as gone and he just says"love you" for the sake of it. I'm not the same person i was when i met him, i have lost my confidence, and this is down to the fact i have had alot of hassle of his family. they call me all the names under the sun, it all started when i fell pregnant, and it was because i wanted the best for my baby. he dosent see his family much and i feel it's all my fault, but when he does see them he keeps it a secret or decides not to mention it. this causes arguements as i like been honest about things.

so sometimes i think what is the point in been with him if we argue about this most of the time, we cant do alot of activities together like go to family weddings, birthdays etc as they will start with me. he as said before if his mum said anything to me and i was to retaliate and stand up for myself he wouldnt know who to choose, but said he ould after choose me as i am his partner. i would never ask him to choose though as that isnt fair on him.

all i want is a nice relationship and a happy life. but am i going to get this with him?

i would like your views please.

thanks tink xx

Dear Tink,  We met on brick so hello again.

you've done a fine job of getting a long list of points into you TA and I wonder if you have been able to sit down and speak to your partner about each of them.  You know just to talk through them and try to listen as much as you talk and try not to react too much as you might not be able to hear well while you are "feeling" his responses.  I hope that makes sense what I am trying to say.

Some of the things that you raise like feeling low in confidence and down on yourself is really an awful way to feel and be.  I wonder though could you feel otherwise given the conflict going on with your partners family.  It's bad enough that there is the name calling, and the visits that you are not aware of , but also the fact that you miss out on being part of the bigger family.

There is a lot stacked up against this relationship of yours and the fact that you have stuck it out must mean something.

Do you really mind that your partner visits his family?  if not, maybe it would be better to tell him that it isn't a big problem for you that he maintains that contact - but please tell you before he goes.  At least you need to be honest with each other about where you are going to be.

All I can think of it to prioritise the points that you and he can sort out between you and work on those.  When you feel better about working together to be happier then you can talk about the impact that his family's behaviour is having on you.  It shouldn't be a matter of choosing.  If you are the one he has chosen his family should respect that also.  They are not just disrespecting you in their name calling - but him also by not respecting his choice. 

The other thing that I reckon you should try is to make sure that you have some time for just you through the week so you can find time to feel good about yourself.  Just small things like catching up with a friend for coffee - and let him look after your child so you have some freedom.

Given you say you still love this man, I think it is important to try a few things to see if you can't improve how the relationship has developed. Maybe give it a bit of a new life! 

take care UM xx