Hi lou123,

 I don't know how your friend would react - I guess it depends on what you tell him - is it that you simply love him deeply or you are going to feel frustrated because you won't be able to have anintimate relationship with him.  It is okay to love people and be in love with them just not make them feel pressure.

I guess it might help to think about it in reverse and how might you feel if you were the object of someones affections and she wanted to express her love for you.  How would you want to be told?  What would and would not you want to know?  What would make you feel okay?

Sorry I have no personal experience of this but wondered if I might offer my thoughts anyway.  Take care now  UM xx 

Hi lou123, I am a gay man. If you felt like that about me, and most importantly expressed it the way you have on here, it would affect me very deeply - in ways that would make me feel good about myself, about you and about our relationship. You are so painfully aware of its limits. From your description I would be surprised if this young man is unaware of his effect on other people. Not saying it is vanity. But he may be more supportive than you expect if you are honest with him.

I think it sounds more than physical attraction however. What is it about his personality that attracts you?. Straight men can share that - believe me - I know to my cost. Is your obsession with him stopping you looking elsewhere? Long road I know.

You are still so young. Your world is literally round the corner. Just turn it. We are waiting on here to help.

Would like to say more but got to rush. Tell us more if you can.

Hugs

S76X

Hi there, pleased you feel you can explain more about how you feel. My, how the young can have a monopoly on words of wisdom (Sincerely).......

'The part of him being gay that they do not seem to understand is that he is not interested in women'. Brilliant mastery of understatement and it really rang true for me -  made me laugh so much. I know exactly what you mean. The fact you do says you have have quite a mature insight. Believe me there are gay men out there in their 60s who are still struggling with that one.

Sorry you are feeling so unhappy. Unrequited love is a bxxxxx. I know it well the other way round.I really admire your restraint and yes self respect. There is a growing tendency in gay venues for some younger straight girls to crowd together in 'mass conversions' - pinching bottoms and the like. Of course they can be quickly followed by the straight lads - and the venue is no longer a safe gay space. Confusing I know.

Having said that in my experience gay men often prefer the company of women. In fact we would sometimes be lost without them. I am sure this chap is the same. Very short change I know (unless one day he decides he might try bi - but for most of us life is not like that)  - do not give up on the idea of a profoundly meaningful friendship. It sounds like he can make you happy in all sorts of ways outside of a relationship. Cherish it. You certainly sound wise enough not to risk losing at least that.

Meanwhile the insight of your feelings and how you articulate them says alot about you. Try reframing some of it to how fortunate he is to know you.

Cheers

S76X

I am not pretending to be any expert on all this

Hey Lou,

my problem's almost completely the same...sorry if my english is clumsy, but I'm not native so that's why :)

 In august this year I started working for a great multinational company and I was really looking forward to meeting plenty of great people...but I never supposed I could meet such a great one - it was HIM. He's without a doubt the greatest and the most gorgeous guy I've ever met in my entire life - for me for sure. We are real soulmate, we understand each other, we trust each other, we love hanging out together... I thought I just met a great friend that you can meet once in a lifetime. we know each other just three months but we are so connecter that it's almost unbelievable. Suddenly after few days I realized I like him a lot...he's really goodlooking guy, sexy and with wicked smile and beautiful eyes, and I realized I fell in lobe with him. I was scared because I was worried about our friendship. I was wondering if I should tell him or just keep it for myself...then the destiny solved it instead of me. We were dancing in a club and having a lot of drinks (Long Beach, our favourite :)) and suddenly I kissed him. It was really really nice kiss, but he looked at him with a sorrow in his eyes and told me that this is the hardest thing he ever needs to tell but he's already seeing someone. It was such a shock for me that I just ran away. He caught me and told me that he needs to tell me something more. That's when he told me he's gay. I was embarassed and disappointed, I was crying from the shock (I am not that intolerant, I was just drunk:)  I felt like such an idiot that I didn't realized it myself...but he was really great, hugged me and let me cry and later when I was okay, he told me everything about him and his boyfriend... Once we were chatting thru skype he told me he wishes I was a man...we'd be great toghether, such a perfect couple, but never will be :((( During the day I'm okay, working, having fun...but at night I can't sleep, I'm just thinking about him and wishing it could change...but it's not possible. I love him so much and wishes him all the happines in the world, but I also want to get thru this...what should I do???