We get few chances on this lifes journey. Sometimes we take turns we either regret for the rest of our days or cherish them forever. In my case several of both.

I also guess many of us on here think we have screwed up our life more than once, rather than have others screw it up.

So going back to your hour of birth and putting a pen, paper (and prodigal fluent literacy) in your hand, what is the one thing you would change and the one thing you would keep in your lifes journey on this planet so far?

This TA is a tribute to unionmaid, Brown Bear and swon (good to have you back) for their tireless posts on here. Also inspired by swon in the 'whither' TA

Gosh this is something that is hard work Summer!  There are things that I wished had not happened to me but then in dealing with them I always wonder what I might have been like had I not been confronted by having to grow from the experiences.  I fear that with my somewhat strong personality I might have been quite a cold and demanding person and would never have had to reach within to pull out what is a fairly decent heart and love for others.  I am a bit conflicted by this.  I read this TA this morning and while I am getting tremendously excited about going on a two week holiday by myself tomorrow - this has been one conversation that has been circling my mind.

Perhaps I would say this - I wish that I had learnt earlier to trust people and not soldier on believing that I was a freak and unable to connect with others.  

And in terms of what I would never change - the day I sat in my friends house and saw a man in blue levies, blundstones, a red t shirt - carrying a wok and a box of groceries.  On a chance meeting I met my husband, we have two wonderful children and sure it is the work that happens in all marriages that makes it worthwhile but even when I am very sad about seeing a disease taking hold of his body I have no regrets of the past.  I would not give up a minute for a safer and longer future with someone else.

be well brother summer

UM xxxx

Thanks folks, some thought provoking and very moving replies. Not sure I can answer my own question yet. Got to thinking about it hence this TA but still cannot decide an answer. I envy some of your decisiveness.

What was I thinking of in that tribute. Seconds after I posted the ommissions flashed before my face. Quite right BB, in my haste I forgot roze, benji, Harmony, Wolfie, jomo, cherry, spbd and no doubt others who keep this boat sailing. Thank you all

Hugs

summer xx

If I could do it all again I would not have dropped out of school at 15 and college at 18 and again at 21.

The one thing I would keep ( and this is going to sound very cheesy ) is my decision to join this community, because at long last it has helped me to realise that there are lots of other things I want to keep as well.

Nice one Summer

Summer,

Now we can forever empathise about our wasted educations and wonder how the world might be different if two such great minds had fulfilled their potential.

Odd that you blame your familly, I sort of blame mine but in a different way because they never treid to talk me out of leaving school but hey it was my decision so ultimately it's my fault.

Remember though, as I've said before and have had brought home to me with a large whack very recently; the past is the past, it's gone and we can't change it.

What has happened has shaped the people we are and now we have to deal with the fallout.

Onwards and upwards my friend.

swon

ok - i have given this some thought and it is a toughy .

Regrets are so marring , diverse and potentionally  destructive and as UM, Swon and a very earnest heartfelt contribution from Mebenji have all added , it is not too easy to be pragmatic about the what ifs and the maybes.

But i guess for me personally i regret not having the faith to believe in myself, or have the courage to take a risk - (covers a lot )

I have missed out on a lot of positive oppotunities over the years because of this. (too worried about what others think etc )

As for one thing i would keep - hmmm this one i cannot answer yet , i do not believe i can be concrete enough to pinpoint - darn , will have to work on it !!

Cherry x

Dealing with the 'fallout ' and the hear and now swon. Yes indeed. It occurs to me practically every other post I have made on here could come under that heading. As almost everyone else  has posted in here has said, I also am acutely aware of the good times I may not have had if things had been different. So I am grateful for some of fates chances.

Though I have always regretted it, it is only recently that I can fully see the effects leaving shool early have had on me. That and the next 7 lost years explain so much believe me. Should have been the prime of my life after all.

Not odd at all that I should blame my family for the decision at 15. Though I understand why they were like it, and really had no choice, it does not make it any better. Very poor, in every way, working class insecure background. As far as I remember no one in either side of my family and extended relations did 'school' or education. Outside their experience and expectations that anybody they knew, incl me, should have the ability or even want to do qualifications.

The real pressure was 'we have supported you for these years, now earn a wage'. Culturally they knew no different. I may have just had a roof over my head for one further year if I had pushed it. But it was very well implied that if I continued into Higher Education I would be kicked out.

It does not take much imagination to see the effect that has on a shy lad of 15, who already knew he was 'different' but didnt have a name for it. A lad who also lacked any confidence and was completely devoid of any praise or encouragment (apart from a few teachers). Again it is only recently the full extent of my families vacuum when it came to encouragement has hit me.

I am now recalling a prize giving ceremony a few month after I had left. No big deal but like many who had left that year I had 'won' a few books of my choice for the grades I got in the exams. My parents showed no interest and frankly were too embarrassed and anti social to mix with other parents and come with me to the prize giving. Thinking about it I don't remember ever hearing the words 'well done' throughout my entire childhood or youth. Or for that matter since. 

OK, not exactly abuse but I do recall the intense embarrassment I felt to be the only one there by himself. Hmmm sounds familiar that. Thinking about this now as I have said has really only made me realise, those books were about the first books I ever remember seeing around the house.

Alright, understand I am not pretending this is some tale of Dickensian deprivation, where the hero strives against poor beginnings and against all odds succeeds and saves the planet. In spite of everything I understand and love and miss both parents. I forgave them long ago. I imagine they in turn had known little encouragement themselves and knew no different. But oh yes I do blame the entire bleak 'no expectation' culture they expected me to fit into.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind now that it fxxxxxx me up big time in so many ways, incl personality. My ex recognised the effect all this had on me early on, before I did. His background was not so different.

Summing up I suppose an appropriate analogy might be going into a gambling game and finding that all the dice I have been given have had 'the six' wiped off them. Went on to get so used to it that if a 6 did appear I did not know how to handle it and frankly still don't.

Yep, perhaps I may have been more sorted and happier if things had been different (I know I would). We do what we can with what we are given apparently. My problem here is I was not allowed to use what I had.

On the positive side I am proud of the person I became. Something in me did eventually strike out of that multi faceted closet, all by myself. That break earned me  some incredibly happy years - and I hope more to come.

So no we cannot change things, but if we forget where we came from, how can we know where we are or where we are going. (Who said that?)

Alot of self understanding going on since I joined this site. Thanks folks

hugs

summer

summer

No

wow this one made me think.

If I could go back I would say no more to poeple that "loved" me. As I teen I had a HARD life and was looking in everyone for something I would never find. At times I would feel worthless after giving in to them even if was just don't talk to so and so, or as big as having sex befor I was really ready. I had a hard time saying no to "friends" and "loves" it made me a mess, but gave me a wonderful son.

I would NEVER change moving away from my home town. I met my husband and he asked me to move 2 hours away with him and without to much thought I did just that. 4 years later I am happy and very in love with my family. I have been able to look at the life I had there and grow away from the things I didn't like about my life and who I was. I have been able to make friends that I know will always be a part of my life and really love me for who I am. I could never regret that move it changed my life.

Very close Wolfie, it's: Je ne regrette rien; and if you were quoting Edith Piaf famous song, it goes that way: Non, je ne regrette rien.

OS°°° 

Oh that is like a tease - summer - decided but take too long to share!  I will wait to learn.

regrets and opportunities to learn a language.  Yes it is a "really would have like to with me also" maybe not a regret.  I have no apptitude for language except if it is in relation to food and then for some reason the level of engagement is higher !- or in my case broader !!

But in my own space at the moment - the thing that this ta has done for me is to let me think of all of the "non regrets & good things " I have been able to take from a life that I otherwise find myself kind of thrust upon me. 

cheers  Summer :)   

UM xxx