Dear Cate,

this does sound like a sad situation so little wonder you feel sad.

I have never been fostered and have never fostered children but I did go to school with a kid who was placed with a foster family "in the old days".  The family wasn't a great match and the situation was fairly unhappy all around - not violent and not abusive but just unhappy and as soon as he was old enough he bolted off to find his own mob.  I just wonder as hard as the current situation is where there is a bad match that it might be better all around that making the foster situation so permanent.  Well ever so slightly better.

Living in Sydney and listening to stories I hear of more and more very young people - young teenagers who don't have a foster family and from the age of 12 or 13 are living in women's refuges and men's hostels. Their great constant are the social workers who are attached to a number of the group houses.   I wonder what is worse a motel or a refuge - that would be a hard choice.

Mostly the reasons behind these kids being in care relate to mum being a single parent and having a mental health illness that results in her not being able to care for the child - she will be in a hospital or other care for her safety.  Dads are rarely around. 

I think this is so much bigger than getting foster care right - sure there must be cases of people making decisions to have kids which doesn't turn out well for anyone.  But I also think there must be incredible stress throughout society at the moment - increasing numbers of precarious forms of employment, inadequate jobs which allow for flexibility to parent as well as work, increased costs of the basic/essentials (running in OZ at twice the level of inflation while luxury items are running at half), and the lack of decent support for families in crisis.  there is one school in Sydney which has a dedicated programme for teenage girls to continue their school education after having a baby - and that is a struggle for the school itself because it carries a social stigma for trying to help.

I know that none of this helps the young person that you have been working with. But as the model used here in Australia  has been based on the economy and not on the community it is little wonder that there are problems.  Withdrawing and defunding resources hasn't exactly assisted in addressing any of the core issues. 

 I would love to hear what exists in other countries that provides a secure setting for kids to grow in and how it works for families.  

Hopefully your young one will find a good match family somewhere in the state.  UM xx 

Hi Thorn  . your post has given me some hope in the resilience of young people to cope .   Your ability to manage at the age of 17  on your own shows how resourceful and intelligent you are. In the case of the child I referred to there has been  no real continuity of care  and the foster carer has been less than ideal. I have been  doing home visits weekly for the literacy program and have got to understand a little of what is going on.  The  hurt and disappointment  these young  people feel must have a life long impact in some form or other. I will try to maintain contact with this child though it will depend on  the location of the next placement.

Um   I agree that the economy has some considerable impact on families' ability to cope.  Significantly many of them lack the skills to parent and there  are few  family supports . If there are grandparents or other relatives they can be  reluctant to involve themselves.

This is a growing problem as fewer people are willing to be foster carers . Where I live they have resorted to placing children in motels with temporary carers. Perhaps there is inadequate financial assistance and other supports for foster parents .

The long term impact on the community is  a worry .We should all feel some concern as many of these young people end up homeless and  eventually in our prison systems . I just don't know where it's all headed,  Cate

Hello Alba,

Thanks so much for your post here. Sometimes I get so low, so down about humans and how they treat eachother, all the bad things seem so overwhelming - I just yearn for some one to tell me something wonderful, something to counter all that negativity. Both you and UM have done that for me tonight. Who was it on the Wall wanted to sum up what love is? You've done it, all those people who kept those girls connected have shown such love and compassion, it make me cry. It's that good. Thank you again.

a (((((Huge Hugsalot))))) to you too.

-Mebenji