hello heidi - i think you are new to Big White Wall - welcome. it sounds as if you have met someone to play with at a distance...to keep those lonely mountains at bay...so enjoy...

You sound vulnerable.  Try talking it through but dont get damaged.  No love or no person is worth hurting you. If you feel safe - you will be OK.  But dont go into dark places - they take a long timeto get out of.  Keep connecting to this community and take care of yourself. 

Hi Zorro - the answer is no to your question - he is not married.  In this situation not available is about geography, timing, personal commitments and beliefs at a whole range of levels. Its also about accepting the value of true friendship and love which does not need to be an affair.  This is not on the agenda.  I am struggling to accept the beauty of the world around me at a time of emotional turmoil - thanks for your response - I will continue to search for inner peace - it will come.

Its early morning and I about to go out into the darkness - again.  I walk through the forest feeling the whiteness of snow and listening to the river meandering down through the mountains.  Emotionally and physically this is reality - I will be alone but not lonely as I meet my soulmate at the end of the trail.  I am OK - I am accompanied all the way by the closeness of friends who share these painful times. 

Nemt, I hope you're right.  That thought keeps me going and I can live like that, and it sort of gives a whole new dimension to the present.  I cling to it. But now is also okay, but your proposition; romantic.