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14/03/2008 @ 11:46 bavisha said:

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I'm really upset as our beloved niece (47 years) is about to have a mastectomy and a lymph node biopsy as they've found an invasive cancerous lump which they've removed. She in New Zealand and we're in England. She's no Mum.What should I do?
14/03/2008 @ 11:57 zorro said:

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Oh Bavisha - I am so sorry ot hear this. Your poor niece. Does she have any other family with her at the moment? Someone to give her support and other women who she can turn to? How close is your relationship with her?
14/03/2008 @ 16:29 Wolfie said:

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Does she have a support network in NZ? Friends? Other family?

It will be such a tough time for her and I am sure she will appreciate any support you can give her. Perhaps make small gestures over a long period of time to let her know that you are thinking of her not just on the day of the operation but also during the long period of recouperation thereafter? little gifts, calls, emails, real letters and cards in the mail?
14/03/2008 @ 17:26 Swon said:

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Hi Bavisha,
I can sympathise to an extent as my wife had a scare some years ago, it turned out to be a false alarm, but it's very real while you wait for the results.
Also, my dad died of cancer 10 years ago so I've been as close as I want to get to it.

Can I suggest you look at this web site, it's the NZ breast cancer foundation site, your niece might be able to make use of the info and support.

http://www.nzbcf.org.nz/home/

Also, this link, to the same organisation, is to a booklet on the subject, she could perhaps dowload it, or, at worst, you could download it, print it and mail it to her.

http://www.nzbcf.org.nz/downloads/New_Zealand_Oncology_Perspective.pdf

I do hope everything works out OK.
14/03/2008 @ 20:46 muffin said:

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Hi Bavisha - that is such terrible news and even worse is the distance you are from your neice. Sad for you both to be so far apart - there is no simple answer and support systems in NZ will be important as mentioned but also a consistent message of love and support from you - hopefully she can be in contact with you through the internet. Ask her what you can do or be for her in these difficult times - it maybe something none of us have thought of such as parcels of her favourite sweet or your recommended reading list or articles from magazines of interest. If she can choose and you can provide then there is such a warmth of feeling and concern during these dark days. Keep us updated on how she is - we are very much with you, M x
15/03/2008 @ 06:26 UMxx said:

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Dear Bavisha, I am so sorry to hear about your niece's cancer and mastectomy. I agree that it is hard to feel like we can be of much support so far away. But the difference will be the love and support that she feels from those important to her - and I don't think this needs to be in the same room as her. You might find that not being there with her brings advantages - especially if she is upset late at night the time difference between the UK and NZ won't be such a problem and she will be able to ring you on the bad nights. She might also feel more comfortable just being able to have an unsighted conversation too - I remember one of my friends talking about how hard she found being with people as she felt like the mastectomy was such a big physical change that others couldn't possible be comfortable in the room with her. she maintained a great network of support through the telephone - getting the emotional support she needed - while she got used to the absence of her breast.
A friend of mine works for the Womens Information Service in one of the NZ hospitals and they seem to have a good system for providing clear advice and information.
I hope the operation is as successful as can be for your niece - and hoping that you are feeling that you can be a positive influence for her over the next phase in her life. Warm wishes UM
15/03/2008 @ 08:59 roze said:

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Bavisha
This is so very tough. Yet i feel there are some wise words in these responses. When a very close friend of mine was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer three years ago - i was not able to be with her (apart from once) as we live in different countries. She was very positive and after a year and a half of heavy treatment she was pronounced clear of the cancer. She has said that the regular calls that I and others made just to listen, let her share what was happening and talk of other things in life (keeping the focus firmly on life) helped her enormously to maintain her spirit and take control of what was happening to her physically when often you can just end up feeling like a medical case. So keep calling even if it is only to chat about the weather. Let us know how she is doing and how you are feeling about what is happening to her. love roze

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