Actually, this sounds really, really exciting. You sound like you have lots of energy and need to find new channels for it.  What are you thinking of doing?

Wx

Hey OS,

It's a great image - a person getting ready to metamorphise - hope you haven't been reading too much kafka though.

I wonder what will be the result of the metamorphisis?  In a month or so we will have all of the pre butterfly caterpillars chomping their way through the gardens in readiness for the brightly coloured butterflies to dance around in spring.  I love the bright blue and black ones - and I love the shiny christmas beetles with their shell like green and blue backs.

I have been wondering what you might be - I don't think you have a strong sense of this so it is quite an adventure isn't it.  What a great way to experience a shift in your life.  Be well :)

love UMxx 

Oh yes Roze, I'm really glad to be where I'm right now. I was so low when I arrived here in February. The following weeks were not much better. Things are better, but not yet clear enough to let say: "Okay, I want to do that and become this." But with time I'll finally find and do what I want.

Although I don't remember most them, I know that I'm dreaming almost each night, and most of these dreams leave me some good feelings. In one I was literally like a fish in the water. I felt like at home. Part of the dream happened in my home town, but parts of it were in India and somewhere in South America, two places I've never been to yet.

UM - I called it a metamorphosis, because I observed some changes in my life over a couple of years. What was central in it has become nothing, there's a particuliar forum I used to visit daily which has simply become worthless. Other topics, like science and nature, which were just tiny things in my life for years have become very important for me. Art is also becoming important for me. For instance, I want to draw. Something I haven't done in years. I was numb for too long, and now I feel life's pulse in me. It won't happen tomorrow, but I want to go out and meet new people. The desire has never been so strong. I feel it there, in my guts. Who knows  when I'll step out and "Take a chance" ? I know that back in February, it would have been impossible for me to say all that. It even surprises me!

Sparkey - I know what you mean. How many times have I tried to change things in my life ? Countless. I wasn't ready, too tired. But this year I decided that enough was enough. I knew I had to do something bold and to find me, the real me! It was essential for me. I don't know, maybe you are not ready to make the change you're trying to do. In my case, it was just a matter of life or death. It's not a done work, yet, but things are moving. I just have to remain focused on them and me.

Chees, OS