Hello dalek - welcome to Big White Wall. I have no idea about the funds thingy - i am hopeless with money - but i have had experience of the whole childcare issue. First of all, congratulatioins on becoming a father. I can really understand that you worry about your child going into childcare when so tiny but i actually feel there are real benefits so long as it is the right childcare. They  are with other babies and learn social skills much more quickly. But i know how hard it is and you will have to be prepared for some crying to begin with as your little one adjusts. I have left nursery with tears pouring down my face but i also worked in a nursery as a parent volunteer and kids stop crying as soon as their parent leaves.

Now on to your wife. Most women i know, myself included, would have gone crazy as full time mothers but also experienced some guilt at putting their baby into childcare. The advice given to me was to never experience guilt as that was going to bring all sorts of the wrong emotions into my relationship with my child - and that quality time together was more important than quantity. And i truly believe that to be the case. I have travelled a lot for work and my daughter and i were apart for up to ten days at a time. I am away at the moment actually. Also you have to have 100% belief in the childcare you use. If you know your child is safe and being cared for and stimulated then that is all that matters.

However, it does sound really important that you are able to check with your wife that it is her honest choice to go back to work. I don't think you need to sound 1950s - i would imagine that she would appreciate you asking if she really wanted to go back to work or whether she wold prefer to work part time for a while. I would not, however, question her decision by saying you feel it is too early for your child - as i think that could sound critical of her choice and reinforce any feelings of guilt she may have.   Also i think suggesting to her that she is trying to keep up with her friends may have an adverse reaction too. So my feelings- if you were my partners a gentle question about what i was really feeling would be much appreciated - so long as my response was not questioned! Let us know how it goes!

I struggle when I read of women returning to work.   My wife returned to the office when the children were 3 and 5.  Over the next two years her working hours increased to almost full time and more and more I was called away from our family business to deal with all domestic crises leaving my clients and bank balance in disarray.   Last year she went full time and then overtime by moving in with her boss.  I am now the fulltime provider, parent and sometimes a person. Its not always about the woman.

Ooh this is a tricky one - but I have to just  question one thing from my friend Wolfie:

'f sons and daughters see a mother at home for a number of years - women will never achieve equality.'  - Why? Why is it that stay at home mums are seen as 'unequal'?  Surely if we are talking about economic equality that is an issue for the government and business to achieve for women who want to return to work, but those that dont shouldn't be made to feel liker lesser beings who their children cant be proud of or look up to!  I would argue that sons and daughters should be proud of the woman who dedicated years of her life to their childhood wellbeing, in the same way they should be proud of a mum who runs for prime minister!!

Why must one be 'better' than the other?? 

I think one of the things to think about is what you do when your children have left which I posted about a while back.

Its not so easy to get back in to the workplace and when you look back on it, your children only really take up at 15 years of your life. At 16 they become more or less independent.

I certainly feel a bit lost now and generally undervalued by society. 

Hi Dalek.  Well, I've been working for a few years, and have a stressful job with 3 children below the age of 11 years.  They have been in daycare since a few months old, my youngest was 2 when I sent her for the first time.  I have a career and not a job, and it's also a male-dominated one, so it's tough. Anyway, I think you should give your wife some space to make up her own mind.  I relate to her decision and there was a time that I could never consider myself being a full time mum, because I tryly love my work.  Now that I'm getting older, my insights are changing and I would love to have the option of being a full time mum.  She is lucky, because she has a choice.  And eventually she might realise that.  She's obviously working for herself and what she can gain from it, and not because you need the money...  Which is great and respect her decision.  We're all different, but sometimes we change.

My children are incredibly independent, and very happy well-adjusted children excelling individually. I don't regret my decisions and I never had an option of staying home, but luckily I chose a career I love and benefit from.  I too believe in quality time and think of it this way; 7 years from now, your son will be off to school in the mornings... Good luck and bite your tongue.  You don't want her resenting you for the rest of her life! Isabella