Hi Somethingforme and welcome to the wall, I do hope we can help you get to bottom of your problems.

As one who has suffered from depression I can truly sympathise as will others here who have also been there.

However, let's not assume you are depressed because what you might be is just plain old fed up with the way your life is going and we all go through that from time to time.

You said that you gave up your job to start your own business, that's highly comendable and very brave but can I ask a few questions.

I apologise in advance if this appears at all rude or intrusive but it might help me and others to understand you  bit more.

Was the business you planned to start, something you know about, if so how skilled are you in it. Or if it was going to be a venture into something new, had you been getting yourself educated in whatever it was?

For how long had you been thinking about it, or was it a spur of the moment thing because you were getting to feel in a rut?

How much capital did you need to start it up? Did you need premises and / or equipment and what had you done about locating or obtaining them?

Had you really thought it through and produced a full business plan to present to a potential backer?

OK. I guess that all sounds very deep and business-like - it's not meant to and personally I would never have the courage to go out on my own, but those are just basic things which came to mind when I considered how you might have got to where you are.

You see, from what you have said so far it seems like you woke up one day and thought, sod it, I'm going to be the next Alan Sugar. Handed in your notice and then, after a short while, realised that you had made a mistake but did not know how to recover.

You've decided you want to work for yourself so getting another job is out of the question and asking for your old job back would be too embarassing, so now you're stuck in your room surfing the net and waiting for inspiration.  Am I close?

I admit I've made a shed load of assumptions there and may be way off base but if even some of it is near the truth then, to answer your question - see I get there in the end - NO, I don't think you are what would medically be described as depressed, as I said ages ago, I think you've made few bad decisions and are now feeling fed up and confused.

So, what to do about it.

I would start by getting a job, no honestly I would, because that will get you back into mainstream life and you can start earning again while you take a bit more time to think through the idea of having your own business.

You sound fairly young, what qualifications do you have? Could you also consider going to college or uni to get more or better ones?

You are very lucky by the way, to have a supportive boyfriend, many people cannot handle a partner who is, or appears, depressed. My wife was brilliant with me for nearly two years I treated her like s*** but she never gave up.

I can understand that you would not want to be on drugs but let me say that a good nights sleep can be very benificial when you are down, so if you are having trouble sleeping, go to your GP, explain the problem and ask for a couple of weeks supply.

Finally, you might benefit from some therapy - just talking through things can be very cathartic and often opens your eyes to the blindingly obvious.

That said, I would not go for group therapy, I did it for a couple of years and I don't think it did me any direct good. Others I've known swear by one-to-one therapy so that's probably a good place to start.

There is another thread running right now to do with UK NHS mental health services, some of us have written there about our experiences, you might find it helpful to have a look through.

I hope some of that is helpfull, I'm sure others will add to your post.

Please do keep takling about it, the more you tell us the better we might be able to help.

You have found your way to a fairly unique site here, it's full of people who care about each other, don't be a stranger.

Take care.

Although depression hits all age groups you sound as though you might be in your 20s.  I'm in my 60s and have led a happy and fulfilled life on Antidepressants since suffering a bout of real depression 10 years ago.  I had a lot of [expensive] professional counselling which I found essential to my recovery.  There is a good book [click here] entiltled 'Climbing out of Depression'.  One of the symptoms is Panic Attacks which you have not mentioned;  they always happened in the early hours of the morning.  You may not be in full-blown depression but you'll find your doctor is quite familiar with the problem and what to do about it.  Of thr many anti-depressants available you need to try different ones until you suffer no side effects.

But the best cure is people.  The more time you spend socialising [or even interacting here on the BWW] the happier you will become.  BB

Sorry for the late reply, had no internet.....

s1dg5y = I do think your deffinately right I am fed up.                                           

Was the business you planned to start, something you know about, if so how skilled are you in it. Or if it was going to be a venture into something new, had you been getting yourself educated in whatever it was?

The business is in an industry I have been working in for the last 4 years and have a degree in. But it does require some skills I don't have ie website building, marketing, and basic accounting. 

For how long had you been thinking about it, or was it a spur of the moment thing because you were getting to feel in a rut?

I have always wanted to work for myself. But it was a spur of the moment thing, I never maticulously planned it. Also I have failed to get a job I really wanted, so I left the one I hated to go it alone.

How much capital did you need to start it up? Did you need premises and / or equipment and what had you done about locating or obtaining them? Had you really thought it through and produced a full business plan to present to a potential backer?

I have access to captial I need approx £13k, I have an office and I would need lot's of equiptment. I know where to get it etc. I have half thought it through. I have done a basic business plan and half did a more detailed plan but I couldn't concentraite and it's still half finished.

I don't think I've made a mistake but you are very right I have got myself in some sort of hole and I don't appear to be able to work my way out of it. Maybe it's too hard and that's why I'm hiding behind a computer/tv.

I've done uni and have travelled a bit, worked in France and America. I think taking up more freelance shifts might be a good idea. I've already started to see old friends more. I'm deffinately going to look into therapy. Like I said I didn't really know which one to look into so I will start with that.

Thank you so much for your words.

Re: unionmaid

I'm from the UK. My GP is very closed minded. I've used complimentry therapies before, for long term headaches, but I'm on a budget so I want to try to keep the cost within my financial reach. So I was thinking of someone professional to talk to. I have been interrested in mediation for a while and know there is a class near me, so on your advice I shall take the plunge and join it. Does accupuncture help or does it help more as it's a relaxant?

My boyfriends wonderful, he's frustrated with me as he wants us to move forward but we can't if I'm unhappy and in a rut (and I have no money coming in). I haven't got round to making the list yet - I guess I'm avoiding it :-/ Once I write the lists I will take your suggestions and use them to analyse the feelings.

How about while others on the Wall are thinking through there thoughts, you might share some of the stuff that is going on for you in the everyday sense.

I get up at 8am I usually have a to do list. I take 1.5 hours to get ready. I miss traffic as I set off for my office after rush hour. I log on check my rss feeds, email, ebay and facebook etc. Make tea, research 'stuff' ie nothing I use again and save links. After that I check the same websites I did first thing - Lunch - Check the same websites, do more non essential research and general web searching. Then I go home at 4pm to miss traffic, have tea, have a bath watch TV or go see my boyfriend and watch TV with him.

Also I'm 26 and still live at home and get a little financial help from my boyfriend and parents. I have never finished a To Do list and generally I get demoralised as the day goes on as I haven't achieved anything this makes me feel down and then I don't want to try and do anything else I retreat to the comfort of my time waisting distractions. Maybe I need a big drill intructer with a whistle to stand behind me and get me back into the habit of working!

Thank you for your big hug and kindness.

Re: roze

I do feel in limbo and I know I hold the key to moving forward but I don't know which door to use and I'm paralised by the choices and lack of direction it coungers up in me.

I use to be very confident in school and I was a force to recond with. I started to withdraw in college and have been withdrawing ever since. I use to be very excitable and passionate. I know I don't fit into a normal working environment, but I don't seem to be able to successfully create on for myself.

I don't really know how to just 'be' and accept and acknowledge what I'm feeling as I feel I should be doing and being more and the more I feel dissapointed and empty the futher backwards I go. I don't seem to have the control of me anymore.

This sounds quite angsty. I don't talk about this sort of stuff. I talk with my friends about superficial things and never talk about what's goin on inside of me. People think I will do great things and I'm wonderful confident person but I'm not and I've spent the last year proving them wrong. My worst enemy is myself and I don't kow how to get out of my own way. I have only every me one person who said I wasn't as confident as I thought I was, and that really stuck with me as no-one else had seen through my brevardo.

Sorry if that's ramberly it was/is a stream of consciousness. Complete with interresting spelling and grammer.

Thanks for the probing questions they seen to be prevoking a reaction in me.

Hi somethingforme,

In terms of accupuncture I guess it took a really big edge off a lot of the anxiety that I was feeling - I was also a bit loopy from not sleeping at all.  I had one session before I had to drive for 12 hours up north - a trip that I had done so many times and was used to.  but after a session of accupuncture - I found myself really feeling sleepy and it took me nearly 20 hours as I had to keep stopping and sleeping and then driving again.

I doesn't sound like you are dealing with anxiety though so I don't know what it might mean for you - I found the meditation better dealing with depression if only because it gave me some space and distance from the immediacy of the feelings - a different perspective and maybe a clarity - I don't know but it helped and I used a buddhist  coach of a particular tradition that I am comfortable with.  Maybe it takes a bit of trial and testing.

So it was good to hear from you -It sounds a bit like you feel under a bit of pressure to make this work thing happen.  How are you feeling today?