Hi ejcutter. First things first - you have ability to look at yourself and see what others see. That is a very positive step - so many people can't see themselves as others do - I was one of those for many, many years - and I think still am, a bit!

So the next step could be to figure out what makes you so angry. Is it because you care so much about something? or just that you feel that no-one is listening? or that everyone else is wrong.... 

Hey EJ, Dont be so harsh on yourself mate.  No ones perfect.  We all say things we sometimes dont mean.  What makes us a better person is if we understand this and do feel bad about it when we do it.  This shows me that you are an emotional person with feelings towards those around you and thats a fantastic thing.  Maybe there is something annoying you or frustrating you and the only adivce I can give you is when I feel like this I put headphones in and listen to music.  This does 2 things for me, it helps me calm down and it also stops me from saying something I might later regret.

As for driving those close to you away, there has to be something deep down making you do this, are you afraid of something eg like getting hurt, or hurting someone else ?  I myself am a pretty private person, I love going out with friends and family but if I dont have my 5 days at home alone with just me and my guitars, I feel trapped and pressured so thats something I deal with by giving myself the right mix of my time and social time.

Anyway take care and be positive, you are a pretty wise person from the things I have read on here, and you have some pretty deep and personal feelings, you have a great heart and do not judge or see people based on a class.  Maybe focus on some positive things you see in yourself and go from there.

Sorry I couldnt give any better advice.

Hey ejcutter, Is there a chance that the things that make you angry are the things that are worthy of getting angry about?

I am a bit of a passionate person myself and we know that there is a whole lot of things in this world which continue to occur over and over and we don't seem to be progressing as a community.  I wonder if it might help to also write down what are the things that make you feel angry?  Maybe it would be good to give yourself permission to be angry about things that warrant anger - I don't think it is wrong to feel angry when it is warranted.  Rather I tend to worry about people I know who are able to be surrounded by injustices and not react.  You might just be someone who is in sync with your values.  Hey I don't know but it does sound like you are damning yourself.

The other side of this is to identify if you get angry about things that really aren't worth your time and energy so you can be on the alert.

If you work out that you are expending precious time just being angry then given what you know about yourself (isn't that already an accomplishment?) then maybe you could look at yourself as a learner and work out if you can establish what sets you off and whether you can deal with the reactions from those around you.  How might you talk to a friend who was in a similar bother?

 I guess the other thing to say is that anger tends to make some people very uncomfortable and maybe you could warn people that you are angry about something and buy a rant book or a voice recorder to rant into - maybe you could get involved in a group that is trying to change whatever makes you angry so you can turn your energies into practical changes.  

 I don't know if I have got it right myself but I trust my anger to direct my thinking about what I might want to work on.  The anger is an expression of something else (I think.)       ..and sometimes it just jumps out and surprises me so I have to work out what is behind it.  I wander off into my cave and sort it out -  we are all so different, but I need time alone to do this - but I have friends who need others to help them sort it out. 

Something else that has worked for me has been to give permission to  a couple of brave friends who can look me straight in the eye and ask me" hey what's happening?"

So if someone came up and said, "Hey what's happening?" do you know? 

Hey again ejcutter, sounds like you have a good handle on what is happening.  - not that it makes it easier - I had a similar experience of loving someone who had the capacity to make my brain explode with really selfish and manipulative behaviour.  My Mum.  I needed to keep a bit of space between us but I didn't stop having a relationship with her so it was a bit easier.  Nothing like having to overcome inertia to know that starting something again takes lots of grit.   Have you thought about writing it all down in and expressing both the love and the other stuff?  You write really well and maybe if you give it an outlet - in a book you can burn at the end if you want. 

I just wonder if seeing your Dad in an elderly and frail state you might be feeling a bit of pressure to sort it out with him.  Have you any other family you can talk to?  

Hope you are feeling better in your self.