Hi everybody,

Im pretty new to BIG WHITE WALL but feel pretty lost and think this might be the place to open up and ask for help or advice from other people who have probably been or are where I am now?

Ive been suffering with depression for as long as I can remember, it used to come in waves and I usually had a reasonable hold over it. I would have a few bad days here and there but knew I could shake them off eventually and still enjoy my life.

In the last few years I have lost control over these fellings and they have become more intensive and overpowering. I started to see a counsellor on my GP's advice, after a couple of months with her I also started a mild dose of anti-depressants as I found some of my emotions to difficult to cope with. Then I hit rock bottom and was tranferred to a psycotherapist for CBT and finished my 12th session with her last month. I thought I had beaten the worst of it and would be able to find the light again but that doesnt seem true.

The past few weeks I have lost all my self awareness and closed myself away from the world! I barely manage to get into work and have stopped talking to friends and family. I constantly question myself and my life... I never know what I want and only seem to feel anger and hate. I just want out all the time. Im so ost and dont know what to do next? Will I ever get better?

All advice much appreciated!!!

Hullo Dhalia


Welcome to our wonderful community.

I went through depression about 10 years ago.  I remember my mother saying 'You WIll get through this' [she died a few yeras ago].  It gave me somthig to hang onto and she was absolutely right.  But it seems different for you in that you have not thrown off the threat.


I'm aware that having subsequently found a soulmate is probably why I am still OK.  If somethinghappened to her I might fall into where you are.


So the question is 'Have you got a really good companion/soulmate?'  If you are alone then depression may never be far away.  Anything you can do to maintain social interactions will help to keep the demons out.  Coming here is a really good first step - as long as you stay and keep talking you will find kindred spirits who may become close friends.

I know exactly how you feel about just wanting to disappear.  And I know how hard it is to force yourself to get out.  But somehow you must do it - I volunteered to work in an Oxfam bookshop which set me on my road to recovery.

Keep talking to us.  My good BWW friend Swon knows what's what having been through plenty of his own difficult times.  And there are lots of girls here who have been where you are.  BB

Dear Dhalia

Have your sessions with your psychotherapist finished? I note that you have been feeling much worse in the last few weeks and i thought that these may be related events. I know that i have few people i can talk to in my inner circle. Well, to be honest, my inner circle is more outer than inner. Have you anyone that you really feel you can share with? Best wishes. 

Dhalia

I have got the big black dog with me at the moment so cannot write to much however hang on in there.  Friends on BWW are wonderful; just knowing they are there helps.

Hugs

CP

Hi Dhalia,

Just checking in - how are things going?  UM xx