Red, i totally feel your pain here....to an extent.  I have been involved with a married man for several years too.  the difference is i am not in love with him.  i love him, he's my friend, but i never saw us together in the traditional sense.  i never expected him to leave his wife for me, nor ever thought he would.  and that is ok with me.  now that it's pretty much over i miss my friend more than anything else.  i still see him on occasion and we laugh and catch up, and that spark is still there, but as for the "affair"...it's done.

this guy of yours...he may be a great guy and love you.  but you said he is loyal to his family.  that is the key phrase.  if he is still with his wife, then she must be his priority.  he is being selfish.  not wanting to lose you, not wanting to lose his family.  sounds like he is trying to have his cake and eat it too.  i don't mean to sound insensitive, and please don't take this the wrong way.  moving on after 10 years sounds torturous.  but girl, you need to make YOURSELF the priority.  take care of you.  it'll hurt, but in the end you will be stronger and have a stonger sense of self. 

it took me a long time to comes to terms with end of my relationship.  i remember the nights standing at the window watching and waiting and him never showing up.  it upset me so many times.  one day i finally realized that i was never his priority nor would i ever be.  i decided at that time to never wait like that again.  and let me tell you, i feel better for it.

you can do it....be strong.